Seeking sanity

Last night I came to a stern realization that I may be overworking myself and need to par down my focus a little. I am currently enrolled in online classes in pursuit of my degree in accounting and I am very proud of myself regarding how far I have gotten to this point, but my grades are beginning to reveal a very divided focus. My husband left the state last week to begin his deployment and I am hoping that my children and I can find a stable routine and I can thrive as a mom and a person in this change. For the last few months, however, my focus has been on making sure that we had every minute we could with my husband and making sure that all of us were prepared for everything that was about to transpire. My grades, as I said, have suffered severely. I am considering taking a break to let all of it process and give myself time to mourn his loss so to speak. I am loosing sleep over this decision because I know the goal of both my husband and I is that I have a job by the end of the year. I'm not sure what an extended break would do to that goal, but I know I have to think of my sanity in this situation. I believe that the stress of all that is going on in my life is taking its toll on my children as well and that is the last thing in the world that I want. I can pretend to be super-mom all I want: being the best homemaker, the excelling full time student, the supportive army wife, the powerful indivdual, and even wear the cape, but even superheros have a weakness. I think my desire to be everything to everyone at the expense of my personal mental health is mine.

On a seperate note, the kids and I made it through our first holiday without daddy with us. We had a fun filled day with friends on Saturday, a beautiful Easter on Sunday and a great time at the ballpark with family on Monday. I have to say, as busy as my weekend was, I really was ok until I went home. With family or friends with me since Saturday morning I really didn't have a spare second to feel sorry for myself. The drive home was bittersweet because I wanted to be home badly, but it saddened me knowing that the three of us were all who would be there. I know this is only the first of many holidays that we will spend apart this year, but I am proud to say that we made it intact. We'll see what my therapist says about that tomorrow. LOL