Brave

*deep breath* So today I was a big girl and I faced a personal challange alone. I sat in a doctor's office waiting room for an hour, in the exam room for 30 minutes and lived through a 20 minute procedure on my own. In one sense I am proud of myself and proved that I can handle difficult emotional and physical issues without someone right next to me, but in the other I am sad that I had to at all. I know that is what we signed up for when he joined the National Guard, but I don't think I had full understanding of what all of that meant. I do now. I believe that my recent challange would have been easier for me to face had we been apart for a longer period of time because him only being gone for two months has not given me enough time to gain the confidence in myself that I can push on as, simply, a single parent. But who's to say I guess, it might always be this hard. There will always be obstacles to face and the way we all, as a family, handle them will change based upon the needs of the moment.
As for the procedure itself that was truly something I don't want to go through again. It wasn't really as bad as I expected, but it was by no means pleasant. During the initial stages I felt my body go into shock which sent me into full anxiety attack mode, but I held it together as best I could...at least until I got to the car. My prayer is that the results come back from the pathologist non cancerous and that they got it all. Like I said, that is not something I want to repeat.
I do think that this was a growing experience for me, as not fun as it was. I feel a little better about my ability to handle emotional situations and deal with personal demons in a healthy manner. Thank you, by the way, to everyone who has sent well wishes and prayers. I'm that was what held me up today.